The Day I Was Put On My Very FIRST Medication!!~

when i was younger, i didnt deal much with anger. I was a happy child. But one Day, my Dad was at work and i was alone with my step mother, my brothers mom. She was very mean to me.

I got so angry with her that i stabbed a stuffed Dog she won me at a fare. I used some scissors and slashed the dog into pieces. I just wanted my DAd to come home and save me.

I hid the dog under my bed and lay in bed to think.

that was the first night, that i explored cutting my arms. I was young but i am not exactly sure how young i was, maybe 12?

i didnt really cut, i just used a dried up pen to draw scratches on my arms. I played tic tac toe against myself.

I did that a lot, i had a few friends that only i could see, that I would do stuff with

I was friends with an author of a book i read.

I printed out her picture on line and set it on my bedside table.

I would talk to Susan as if she were alive sitting there.

I was confused why she wouldnt answer.

SHe seemed SO real!!

i fell asleep that night and woke up that day not knowing later that day, i would be put on my very first medication.



No complaints. I FEEL GREAT!

I have absolutely nothing to complain about!

This past visit to Riverside helped me so much!! I feel GREAT>

NO voices

NO paranoid thoughts

NO fears of death

NO counting.

I have a permanent smile on my face. I feel SO good!

Its a new feeling for me. I have not cried in 4 days! I used to have flip flop emotions, but now i just feel, happy.



Not depressed, I like the way I am!!

When I was 16, i had a fear of looking people in the eye. i was SURE that if i did so, they could read my mind.

My therapist S was the best. She gave me sunglasses to wear during our sessions. They really helped and our sessions went well.

I hated to be depressed in therapy. Because i am sure my therapists heard everything. Sad people, depressed people. i dont want to depress them more, so i stay cheerful, even when i am not feeling so cheerful.

I am a nice person and i make friends easily. Especially with staffs. EX: staffs at my dentist, staffs at therapy, receptionists, counter clerks at McDonalds, cashiers at Dollar General…

I think people like me because of my personality. I like the way i am.


Feeling Hurt

I feel nervous. Scared something bad will happen tonight. Should i pack my bags if i end up going to the ER. I am going to use my coping skills and medicine to prevent it, but its just how i am feeling.

I feel so sad. So depressed. I need a break from life.

My feelings are hurt by one of my friends which doesnt help.

I feel alone. I am here in my room by myself. I dont want to go see Mom cuz i am scared i will break down.

I can handle this on my own.

I might just listen to music, That helps.


I cooked dinner all by myself tonight! I made spinach and cheese ravioli with sauce. It came out delicious and i am proud of myself.

I am also proud, i had a panic attack today, and instead of taking a pill, i used my coping skills!

I didnt hear hardly any voices today, well, no BAD voices!

I have been writing most of the day, i LOVE to write!! I cant WAIT to finish one of my stories.

I just feel good today. I feel calm and relaxed, stress free.

Im going to watch TEEN MOM at 9:00 pm my fav show.


Happy Being Me

I was reading my Cosmo Girl Magazine the other day, i looked at the models and wished i looked more like them.

But then i put that magazine down, and looked in the mirror. Even though i dont look like those size 0 models, i like my body.

I have other quialities that are better then just apperance.

I am funny, kind, smart, loving, compasionate, nice, and pretty.

Being a model wont make me happy, leaving a happy healthy life will.

I have years to live and i plan on living them to the fullest!