I was SO hungry, i couldn’t stop eating!!!~

I went to my new school, first day, as a pretty, petite teen. I was asked out 1 hour into the day. I politely said no.

I was there for about a month, when things went even farther down hill.

I was admitted back into the psych ward.

That was were they adjusted my meds. I was on a new one, lithium. It had terrible side effects!!

I gained 30 lbs IN ONE WEEK!!! I was eating nonstop the meds made me SO hungry!!

Then my face started to break out, badly. lithium has salt in it so it caused break outs.

I was feeling poorly about myself. SO Courtney a patient there, cut my bangs. I looked weird. And the bad skin on my forehead got worse from the oil of my hair.

I got depressed.

But i was well enough to be discharged.

I went back to school as a new person. I was no longer petite with clear skin and pretty hair.

Needless to say, i never got asked out again that year…

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I loved the sound of the toilet, flushing down my issues!~ (triggering to some)

I hate how bad habits can be very addictive. For me, i dealt with two BAD habits. Cutting and throwing up after meals.

As for cutting, i learned it from a book i read. I wanted to be like that girl in the book. Cutting seemed like such a great stress releiver.

So the first cut i ever did, was on my upper left arm. I cut an X with a line under it. The blood that raised to surface, took my breath away. I couldn’t help smiling. I had a secret.

I wore shirts that were long until the cuts scabbed over.

But i loved the feeling so bad. So i started to cut my belly. Thin cuts nicely in a row.

I learned to throw up after meals while in the actual psych ward. I was small to begin with, 106 lbs.

But i wanted to be like Mary. She was 98 lbs. She would throw up after meals. I felt to be like her, i should probably do it too.

What a rush!

I loved the sound of the toilet, flushing down my issues.

I dont have those habits anymore, but just to inform you, its HIGHLY addictive.

Hair Cut

I had a great day!

I went to the senior center where i volunteer 3 timesĀ  a week. I Set the tables, put away the puzzles, folded aprons, hung hangers, made the coffee and organized the magazines.

i cant work with the food anymore because my meds make me drool. That would be unsanitary.

After that, Bill picked me up, we went to McDonald’s. i had pancakes.

Then we went to Dollar General and i got Dog food and gum.

Last errand was getting a hair cut and layered. it feels healthy now even though its short.

I got my eyebrows done too.

I just love my life!

Tomorrow my niece Jasmine who’s 8 will sleepover.

We will do makeovers because she’s like her auntie who loves makeup!

A fictional story on self harm

Lisa was not popular at school. It was her third school in two years and all the students were the same. They ignored her.

Lisa was a good student. She would spend her weekends studying instead of hanging with friends.

Lisa’s Mom and Dad had just recently divorced. Her Dad left them and she felt very unloved. Mom worked 3 jobs to keep a roof over Lisa and her brother’s heads.

Lisa was in her room doing her homework when she got a paper cut.

“ouch!” She sucked the blood off her finger. She looked at the tiny slice and yet didnt mind it.

The next day at school, someone noticed her for the first time. BUt what they had to say was not kind.

“Hey porko” Dave greeted her. Lisa looked up. He just laughed and walked off with his friends.

lisa teared up. She raced to the bathroom. She remembered seeing that little slice on her finger the night before. She liked to see the blood.

So Lisa locked herself in a stall and found her art scissors. She pulled up the sleeve of her pink sweatshirt.

She pressed the scissors into her flesh. a tiny drop of blood turned into two, then three. LIsa got scared!

She pressed a paper towel on her wrists. and smiled. She had a secret.

she returned to class. She was late but the teacher didnt seem to care.

“Oh No” SHe said to herself as she took a seat. There were two little drops of blood on the floor.

She peeked at her wrist.

“What the!?”

She looked up quickly.

“What did you do!?” It was her classmate, Kimmy. LIsa blushed. Kimmy grabbed LIsa’s arm.

“You cut!?” SHe exclaimed. all the attention went on Lisa. She was so embarrassed. The teacher came over to see. He took one look and took lIsa by the arm and walked her to the nurse. He showed the nurse her wrist.

Lisa started to cry. The guidance counselor came to see Lisa. They sat in a private room and talked.

All the sudden, Lisa spilled her guts. She talked about everything that was going on in her life. LIsa cried.

The councilor gave her tissues and checked her wrist. It had clotted.

“I am here from 8 to 4 everyday, if you ever need to talk” SHe told LIsa.

Lisa felt so much better.

Sometimes you just need a friend to talk to. Dont bottle up your feelings. Its unhealthy. Alos, dont cut.

The Day I Was Put On My Very FIRST Medication!!~

when i was younger, i didnt deal much with anger. I was a happy child. But one Day, my Dad was at work and i was alone with my step mother, my brothers mom. She was very mean to me.

I got so angry with her that i stabbed a stuffed Dog she won me at a fare. I used some scissors and slashed the dog into pieces. I just wanted my DAd to come home and save me.

I hid the dog under my bed and lay in bed to think.

that was the first night, that i explored cutting my arms. I was young but i am not exactly sure how young i was, maybe 12?

i didnt really cut, i just used a dried up pen to draw scratches on my arms. I played tic tac toe against myself.

I did that a lot, i had a few friends that only i could see, that I would do stuff with

I was friends with an author of a book i read.

I printed out her picture on line and set it on my bedside table.

I would talk to Susan as if she were alive sitting there.

I was confused why she wouldnt answer.

SHe seemed SO real!!

i fell asleep that night and woke up that day not knowing later that day, i would be put on my very first medication.

 

No complaints. I FEEL GREAT!

I have absolutely nothing to complain about!

This past visit to Riverside helped me so much!! I feel GREAT>

NO voices

NO paranoid thoughts

NO fears of death

NO counting.

I have a permanent smile on my face. I feel SO good!

Its a new feeling for me. I have not cried in 4 days! I used to have flip flop emotions, but now i just feel, happy.

 

 

Not depressed, I like the way I am!!

When I was 16, i had a fear of looking people in the eye. i was SURE that if i did so, they could read my mind.

My therapist S was the best. She gave me sunglasses to wear during our sessions. They really helped and our sessions went well.

I hated to be depressed in therapy. Because i am sure my therapists heard everything. Sad people, depressed people. i dont want to depress them more, so i stay cheerful, even when i am not feeling so cheerful.

I am a nice person and i make friends easily. Especially with staffs. EX: staffs at my dentist, staffs at therapy, receptionists, counter clerks at McDonalds, cashiers at Dollar General…

I think people like me because of my personality. I like the way i am.