I used to skip class, all the time. I wasn’t interested in learning. I had other things going on in my brain that distracted me. Voices.
I hear voices. I have been for years. I have a bunch of people living in my mind, some nice others not so.
I have schizophrenia. Basically i have a chemical imbalance in my brain. Which causes me to hallucinate.
I see things others cant and hear things others cant.
I am unique as my Mom would say.
Things used to be BAD. I was in the psych ward a month after i turned 16. That was the beginning of the journey with mental illness.
Books were talking to me, spirits distracted me.
I was dealing with an eating disorder and cutting.
It was all too much.
I tried to poison myself to end the pain. I ate antibacterial hand sanitizer.
Nothing happened and i was relieved.
I decided I didnt want to die. SO i went back to therapy.
Things got worse. I was in therapy with my therapist Danielle. She had my name written all over her rug and walls. It could have been me hallucinating but i never found out.
I left her office and ran to the parking lot. My Dad ran after me. He caught me before I reached the street.
I was very upset.
I went home and sliced my belly with nail scissors. I cried and cried. I was so weak and confused, a small 98 lb 16 year old girl!
I went back to my 2nd psych ward.
I was monitored during meal time, i was not allowed to use the bathroom for 50 minutes after meal time.
And when i did go to the bathroom, i had to sing while i peed. Just so they could make sure i didnt throw up.
It was December. The psych ward’s heat didnt work. It was FREEZING. I slept in like 5 layers.
ONe night i was high off new medications. I tickled the walls, saw Pokemon in my light, bubbles were all over the floor and i could not help laughing. It really was not funny.
When i got discharged, a few days before Xmas, I thought i was done with psych wards.
I went back to a new one.
I started to gain weight, a side effect from one of my meds. That depressed me more.
(comment if you wanna hear more of my life story)