I remember one night when i was 16. I was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia. The meds my psychiatrist put me on, made me sleepy. I took my meds at 6:30pm and by 7:00 pm i was so tired i couldnt keep my eyes open.
So i would sleep a full 12 hours.
The med i was on then, i dont remember which one it was, but it made me hyper.
I had too much energy but i was just so tired.
It was around that time, that i started to throw up after eating. I didnt do what most girls did, put on the sink to cover up the noise of me puking.
No. I threw up in cups and hid them under my bed.
After a week, i had several cups full (Sorry, gross, i know)
My room started to stink. So i emptied them one night.
That week I was admitted into Waltham Behavioral Psych ward. I met Amanda who too, had an eating disorder.
She looked REALLY skinny. All bones. I wanted to be just like her. So i threw up more. But, i didnt lose weight. I GAINED weight!
Soon my pants were too small. It was exactly the opposite of what i wanted.
That depressed me.
i was SO hungry i ate everything in sight!
It was terrible. I never hated my body as much as i did. From then on, my weight got higher and higher.
I gave up on getting my 98 lb body back….