Evaluated and Admitted!

I sat in an empty room with staff while i got evaluated. It was a rough day for me. I had been seeing and hearing things nobody else could.

She had me fill out papers and asked what the voices were saying.

I dont know HOW people can tell when i am hallucinating.. i thought i hid it well, guess not.

After i did the evaluation, i sat there pinching my wrists until the lady came back and said i could be admitted.

I wave of relief went through my body. I really needed this program.

A staff went through my bags looking for sharps, there were none.

i got my own room downstairs the first two nights.

Then L said she had bad news, i was getting a roommate.

my roommate, snored. LOUD. i couldn’t sleep night #3.

so i got ear plugs, let me tell you, they were my bffs!!!

Urge of emotions, i just wanted to go HOME

When i was admitted into Westwood Lodge Psych ward, i knew when i was ready for discharge.

we were in the onsite school. I was doing math and all the sudden i had an urge of emotions.

i started to cry and hyperventilate. I couldn’t stop! I told staff i really wanted to go home, i missed Mom and Dad.

They actually listened and i was discharged. only to go to another psych ward weeks later. I guess i am just the type to be admitted.

I hate it.

I have so many bad memories of psych ward visits.

 

In an outsiders POINT OF VIEW< being RESTRAINT!

I watched Emily in the camera. She was locked in the restraint chair in an empty room. She was struggling to be free but she was too tight. i sat at the nurses station keeping an eye on the camera.

“HELP ME!” Emily yelled. I felt bad but the main staff told me she had to be there until she calmed down. It had already been 25 minutes.

Emily was wearing down. She stopped struggling and sat there in a limp pile.

“Can i let her out now?” i asked Elle, the main staff. I was just the nurse.

she nodded.

I hurried over to the room. I unlocked the dead bolt. Emily looked up with tears in her eyes.

“You okay hunny?” I asked her as i unstrapped her. She stood up and wrapped her arms around me.

She sobbed in my ear,

“You are okay EMmie, its okay” I gave her a big hug.

I took her hand and walked her down the hall to her room.

“You rest, i will get you some water” i told her. EMily climbed into bed, I went to the kitchen and got her bottled water.

I wish the staff cared a little more about their patients.

If it were up to me, a nurse, i would NOT have restraint her. I knew she was scared. it pained my heart. If it were my choice, i would have sat that girl down and listened to what she had to say.

I dont like the way some psych wards are run. You should get to know your patients before taking an action such as being restraint.

Daddy, please save me !!

Jack, one of the voices in my head, wants me to be miserable! He literally told me that. So much for being my friend.

So i am being forced to listen to White Houses by Vanessa Carlton 13 times. Thats the song i listened to, 13 times, on the way to my first visit to a psych ward.

It makes me sad because of that. when ever i hear that song i get flash backs of the past.

I was in the car off to Arbor Fuller Psych Ward. I had my Grover stuffed animal in hand and a bag of clothes packed beside me. I had head phones in and listened to White Houses over and over, 13 times.

By then we arrived. I was so excited. We got buzzed in, i was like “oh fancy!” Then my Dad and i were led down the hall to an office where they checked my bags and made me take off shoe laces and jewelry.

My enthusiasm lowered quickly. I really had not expected this.

When my Dad had to leave that was the worst part. I pressed my nose up against the plastic window and cried. I saw him cross the parking lot.

“Daddy, save me” i whispered/

He freaked me out!!

I shared a room with a girl in Waltham psych ward. She never showered, never bathed and had dirty laundry EVERYWHERE! The room STUNK

I requested a room change, i couldn’t handle it. So i got a new roommate. This roommate was depressed. VERY depressed> She would cry all night, i felt bad, but i needed sleep.

One morning, i had the room to myself and i was writing in my journal. Patients were not allowed in other patients rooms. Dustin didnt care. HE came right into my room and came over to me. My heart was racing, i had no clue what he was doing. He held his hands out. I shook my head. THANK GOD, staff did checks then, they led him out of my room, he had totally freaked me out.

There was a lady in group saying how teenagers shouldn’t be on the same ward as adults because they were too immature. i was one of the 4 teenagers. it hurt my feelings. I had every right to be on that ward.