Annoyed that I SLUR!!

I am a little annoyed today, not my usual mood. I slur when i speak because of my medications. So when i talk, people dont understand me! Its frustrating because my brain is so busy and cluttered and fast, that my mouth gets jumbled up.

I feel like punching someone when that happens. I know its my fault for talking too fast, but seriously, its annoying.

I slept terribly last night. Not because of the voices, not this time. My head was doing a million and a half math problems. I did some really complicated problems in my mind that i could never do when i am wide awake with a pencil and paper.

I invent stuff at night that could make me $!!! But in the morning, i forget.

You say i should write it when i am in bed, but as soon as my eyes are open, i totally forget what my last thoughts were!



Counting, is like, my life.

I have been counting more then usual. About a year ago, the counting was BAD. Then it got gooder. Then it almost stopped. Now it started again, but its not BAD, just annoying.

I am writing my stories with the TV on in the background, a Cover Girl mascara commercial comes on. My eyes are drawn to the commercial and i cant blink for 23 seconds. By then the commercial is almost over, i blink and i gain a point.

I save my points for when i really need them. Like if i have a headache, i use the point/wish to get rid of it. Sometimes it doesnt work, but i wont give up.

I also take a section of my hair and try to count to 23 strands.

23 is a very important number for me, it always has been, not sure why.

My life, is based around that number.

I take 23 steps outside till i reach the next mailbox. I hold my breath and count to 23 to the next one.

This isnt an EVERY day thing. Some days i am blessed and dont count at all, those days, are my favorite.

My mood flipped.

My mood just flipped. I was having a great day. I had spinach raviolis for dinner, everything was going well.

Now i feel so depressed and i am crying. I hate when this happens, random mood swings.

I had an urge to cut so i am using my coping skills again, so i dont end up in the psych ward.

I am super nervous. I feel something bads going to happen. But i dont want to write it because i dont want it to be true.

I just need a good cry. SO i am going to listen to a sad song and lay down. xo