I am running on low on friends. I really dont have much in common with anyone. It makes me sad. So i am going back to having invisible friends. Miley. I have not used her as a friend in awhile. I know i am too old for invisible friends, but:
1: I know they aren’t real
2:I can make them say or do whatever is in my imagination.
Miley is EMILY spelt mixed up.
She is my twin. I can talk to her about everything and anything.
I am not ashamed.
I dont care if I still like Barbie Dolls. I am unique.
I love therapy. I go weekly. Its the only 50 minutes a week where i can talk about ANYTHING i want!
My therapist S is AWESOME. She’s 70 years old. She has purple hair and tons of cool jewelry.
She is honest and trustworthy.
I have a lot of issues to address. I feel like i missed out on life growing up.
Instead of partying, clubs and such, i was locked up in psych wards, adjusting medication.
I never once went out on a Friday night.
I never had a REAL job, never went to college.
No boyfriend, no kids.
I want to get out to do more to keep me busy.
Yep, you only live once..and i am not living!
I feel SO much gooder today! I am VERY proud of myself. Last night was rough. I felt very anxious and heart was racing. I felt terrible. I ALMOST asked Mom to call 911.
But i didnt and i am GLAD> I really cant spend one more day in the psych ward.
I have been admitted into the psych ward 13 times in my life. Sometimes its a nice break from life.
Its nice having staff 24/7 there for you.
But at night its so lonely. I call my Mom over 15 times a day.
But the psych ward i have been in the last 5 or 6 times, was 2S and fortunately its local. About 15 minutes from home.
It also has the least amount of rules of any other psych ward i have been in.
I just got randomly sad. Around 6:00 pm every night for past few weeks, i get sad or anxious. EVERY NIGHT!
There is nothing to be sad about, i have a great life!
My heart is racing so i took a pill. It will kick in soon, i hope.
I had a nice day. I went to Family Dollar and got some new makeup. Makeup makes me happy. I have A LOT. I like to swatch them and organize them.
I feel kinda lonely tonight.
I miss something, but not sure what it is.
Its Friday night and were am I? At home in my PJ’s. I should be out with friends.