Good day!!~

I feel really good today!! I had no bad thoughts, no counting, no voices, no spirits, no cereal.

I LOVE days like these!!

I went to Lunch with Bill. I had tomato soup and grilled cheese. It was yum.

then we went to Michael’s crafts store and Dollar General.

I didnt buy anything because i am broke.

I get paid on the 3rd of November. I gotta start Christmas shopping soon too.  I have lots of people to shop for this year!

I took a bath and got soap in my eyes. they are burning.

For dinner we had chicken, rice and peas.

Overall, great day.


Being an adult is HARD!~

Being an adult is hard. Its a responsibility i am just not ready for. I cant take care of myself, all by myself. I dont know how to drive, i cant pay bills. I dont know how to set up my many medications. I would be lost with out my parents.

I hate going on vacation away from Mom because i worry something will happen.  I know she’s tough and i dont have to worry.

BUt she does so much for me, its hard to not coddle her.

I used to consider i was 11 years old. Actually, I insisted.

I was a 11 year girl trapped in a 26 year old body.

with help from my therapist, i got over that issue. I now know I am not a little kid anymore. Sometimes i get sad because life used to be so simple.


I am friends with dust particles. !~

I get shivers when i bite a towel. The squeaky noise on my teeth..ugh!

Last night i had a conversation with my clock. We played a game. I think of something bad, like a friend dying, and I have to wait till 2:30 am on the dot. I hold my breath and sing ABC’s in my head. I have to let my air out when its 2:31, on the dot. I look at my clock to see if i won. i didnt. I tried it three times then i got it! So i saved my friends life.

I have to get creative with my friends because i dont have many. So to you, being friends with a clock may sound, weird or whatever, but its not.

I am also friends with dust particles. I punch my pillow and dust swims in the air. I try to breath in the dust with my nose and out through my mouth, kinda therapeutic!

I am friends with tree bark too. I like to feel the textures of trees with my hands. That’s where i met sassafras. He was my lion made of tree bark at my old house!

Smearing GUTS all over!~

I picked up an ant in my fingers and squished out his guts. I wiped my fingers on the grass, smearing guts all over. I walked inside and opened and shut the front door 12 times. I locked the door and peered out the window to see if i was being followed.

I wasnt.

I got a mug from the cabinet. I felt the textures with my hands, it was very relaxing. I grabbed the lemonade from the fridge. I poured some into the mug. I blew the germs off my fingers and dipped my pointer finger in the lemonade to make sure I would not get acid in my body.

I didnt.

I gulped down my drink and set it on the window sill to get some sunlight. I trudged upstairs and skipped the 3rd step on purpose.

In my room i looked around. It needed to be cleaned.

So i made my bed, tidied up and vacuumed. I looked out the window wishing I could fly.

but i cant.

at night time i take my meds. I usually take all 17 at once. Sometimes the clozapine gets stuck in my throat and dissolves.

It tastes terrible!!

Anyways, drive safely.


I lay on the grass like a mummy. No luck?

I was in a good mood. I danced my way down the sidewalk. I jumped over a puddle. I stood at the crosswalk and all the cars stopped for me to cross. I waved to them and skipped across the street. I sang to myself, i was having a great day. I saw someone i knew from work and gave her a wave. Something shiny lay ahead on the sidewalk. it was a penny. In my head i said, “if its the year 1998 i win a point”

It was!

I cant believe my luck! I decided to test my luck. I picked up a handful of grass and put it in my pocket.

I looked at the sun and prayed I stay safe as i crossed the street with out looking both ways, If i got hit, well, i am not sure what would happen.

but i didn’t. i crossed the street again. no cars in sight.

i emptied the grass from my pocket and dropped the penny down the drain.

I went to the town church and sat on the grass. I lay down and crossed my arms like a mummy.

I felt close to death. But i was alive.

I get confused sometimes.

Clear Mind.!~

I had a lovely day. I went out to breakfast with Bill. I had pancakes. Then we went to $ General. I got a tumbler cup. It was $2.

I have a clear mind today, hardly any voices. I can concentrate and dont feel i need to do a million things at once.

I am not hungry today for some reason. I had one pancake and i am still full 6 hours later. i guess thats a good thing.

Id rate today a 10/10.

I love days like these when i am not paranoid or constantly thinking of death!