Clear Mind.!~

I had a lovely day. I went out to breakfast with Bill. I had pancakes. Then we went to $ General. I got a tumbler cup. It was $2.

I have a clear mind today, hardly any voices. I can concentrate and dont feel i need to do a million things at once.

I am not hungry today for some reason. I had one pancake and i am still full 6 hours later. i guess thats a good thing.

Id rate today a 10/10.

I love days like these when i am not paranoid or constantly thinking of death!

Counting, is like, my life.

I have been counting more then usual. About a year ago, the counting was BAD. Then it got gooder. Then it almost stopped. Now it started again, but its not BAD, just annoying.

I am writing my stories with the TV on in the background, a Cover Girl mascara commercial comes on. My eyes are drawn to the commercial and i cant blink for 23 seconds. By then the commercial is almost over, i blink and i gain a point.

I save my points for when i really need them. Like if i have a headache, i use the point/wish to get rid of it. Sometimes it doesnt work, but i wont give up.

I also take a section of my hair and try to count to 23 strands.

23 is a very important number for me, it always has been, not sure why.

My life, is based around that number.

I take 23 steps outside till i reach the next mailbox. I hold my breath and count to 23 to the next one.

This isnt an EVERY day thing. Some days i am blessed and dont count at all, those days, are my favorite.

I am doing, so WELL!! XO

I haven’t blogged in a few days, but i am doing GREAT!

I had therapy on Wednesday, it went well, we talked about a lot.

I went back to Meals on Wheels and made a friend. (She’s 24)

Today i went outside for a half an hour with out getting bored.

I helped my step Dad with the lawn mower which made me proud!

I have been emptying and loading the dishwasher with out being asked.

My friend CC came over to help me clean.

I am on a 30 day waiting list for Rehab center. (Mental rehab not physical)

i just been doing great!

I am happy, healthy, safe and loved xoxo

Dont be late or i will think the worst.

today i am feeling amazing! I slept through the night with good dreams for once. I woke up, had a smoothie, took my pills, brushed my teeth and sat down to watch YouTube. I fell asleep.

I woke up in an ever better mood!! Id rate today 11. 10 being the highest.

Today i am going to lunch with Bill. Then i get my make up.

Mom made me a deal. if i go to Meals on Wheels for 6 hours a week, i get a $5 makeup from Dollar General!

Sweet deal.

and i am proud of myself for working. even though i cant last more then 3 hours at a time. My attention span is too short and i get anxiety if my ride is 3 minutes late.

Today two dump guys came to take my desk away. now i have space in my office.


I had an AMAZING day!!

I went outside for a bit, but it was hot, so i went back in. i did some writing, some reading, some chores.

I did a makeover and took selfies for FB.

I heard ZERO bad voices! I only counted twice.

For desert i had ice cream.

Tonight i will watch Americas Funniest Home VIdeos then bed.

Tuesday, my boo will be spending the night, she and i have lots of fun together oooxxxx

Therapy Session NO DRUGS!!!

I remember one session of therapy with my old therapist Stacey. I was extremely hyper due to my new medications. She thought i was on drugs, like everyone else thought. (i have never done drugs btw)

I couldn’t stop moving. I stood up, sat down, changed seats, shook my leg and waved my arms.

During that session, we talked about hearing voices.

At the time, i thought i had powers. I predicted she was having a girl when she told me she was pregnant.

Also at the time, i was scared to look her in the eye, because i feared she could read my mind.

She and i played games like we always did, which i hated.

I showed her a picture of a flower that i would talk to on a daily basis.

she suggested i rip the flower up. so i did. I felt SO bad. I cried.

My emotions were all over the place.

I didnt see her for long, we just didnt click.

I have had so many therapists in my lifetime. Idk.