MY FOND MEMORIES GROWING UP

I have TONS of fond memories! Not every memory has to do with psych wards and schizophrenia.

My Mom was a single Mom when she and my DAd first divorced when i was 4. We lived in a one room apartment down the road from my school.

In the winter, together we would sled down the apartments hills on card board boxes. It was a blast!!

Once went to NH with my DAd and his ex wife and my brother. One morning DAd woke me up to go to the board walk. JUST me and Him!! I felt so loved. I Didnt care where we went, just as long as it was just me and him.

I went to two proms! Jr and Senior. I loved dressing up, doing hair and makeup! I felt like a princess!

I have tons of fun birthdays!! Hotels, limos, white river rafting!! It was SO awesome!!

I love my life and wouldnt change it ever!

 

Happy Fathers Day!

I had a nice fathers day with my Dads. My Dad, brothers and I spent yesterday at OSV (Old Sturbridge Village) It was fun! we walked around, got to see some cool places and even saw a baby cow Aww.

For lunch we ate in the Tavern. My Dad and i both had chicken pot pie. my brothers had clam chowder. It was good.

I was SO hot, but i had a great time.

TOday i spent the day with my step DAd. It was relaxing, we had a nice meal.

my friend CC came over to clean. she did a good job so i gave her $50.

I feel good, again! YAY

Happy Fathers Day!

Age 16: WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE!

I have had many ups and downs in my lifetime. I won awards, i got suspended.

I think i have had more ups then downs though.

I had a pretty good childhood. I did hear voices, but they didnt really bother me until the age of 16.

age 16 was the lowest point i ever reached.

It seemed like everything bad, happened when i was 16.

voices, hallucinations suspensions, cutting, eating disorders, first time in a psych ward, first time on medications.

It was the worst year of my life.

All the other years, were a lot better!

:D !! 10 out of 10

I asked my Mom to ask ME how i would rate my mood daily like they did in the program i was in.

Yesterday and today were both 10! Thats the best it can be!

I think i am cured. Maybe in my case, schizophrenia can be cured because i sure feel like it!

I am SO happy! I am in a great mood!

Great. Now i am a Tiny bit nervous that i just cursed myself. I cant be too happy because thats when bad things happen!

Hmm.

I Still feel happy.

Overall, a good day.

Today was my last day with my nutritionist. It went well, we set some goals. then i got blood work CBC for Clozapine.

Its an okay day. I started out in a bad mood, but i cheered up. I listened to music which helped.

Tonight is adult coloring class at the library.  i go every Monday at 5:30 to 6:30.

not much else to report, the voices were pretty calm today, yay.

i hardly counted xxx

 

Pathetic Life

I hate myself today. I am a burden to my family and i know it. They say i am not, but i know i am.

I had a hard night sleeping. My thoughts were too busy. I woke up several times.

I feel like screaming.

All i do is distract myself. I blog, i write, i walk.

Thats my life.

pathetic.

Admitted, i need a break.

So, i have been thinking a lot and i think i need a break. a break from my stress. So on Tuesday i will meet with my DMH worker and talk about me being admitted into the inpatient respid program.

thats the program i went to once before and i found it very helpful.

Its a stress free environment and it has groups, we learn to cook, art class, game group and lots of REST.

I love it.

I was a little timid bringing it up to my parents because i didnt want to take advantage of the program when i dont really need it.

BUt i am at a place in my life, were i just need a BREAK. I cant pinpoint my stresses, Its just general anxiety.

The program is a 5 day program.

So hopefully things will work out and i will be admitted.