Old man down!

I love seeing Dad. Its not too often, but whenever we get together, we always have a lot of fun!

today we went out for breakfast. I had French toast and home fries with water.

when we got served, we heard a big crash.

An old man had fallen!! Dad jumped up to help him, but someone else got there first. Poor guy, at least he wasn’t hurt.

then we went to the apple orchard gift shop. we looked at antiques and little trinkets.

I love my life. i love my parents, i love my siblings and i love my friends and family.

Very first therapy session, AGE 7!!

I was so nervous on the first day of my therapy. I was 7 years old. I sat in the waiting room with my Dad reading a Highlights Magazine.

After awhile, my name was called. My therapists name was Karen, she was young, blond and nice. She made me feel comfortable.

I sat on the fluffy purple couch and Karen sat across from me, she had a notebook which made me nervous.

She asked me questions, lots of questions. Mostly about my parents divorce.

I was EXTREMELY shy back then, it was hard for me to talk to this stranger.

but i did.

Together, we made a family tree. it was hard because my Mom has 10 siblings.

after that, my session was over. Karen shook my hand and Dad’s too. It was over. I made it through my very first therapy session, go ME!

Miracles that have happened to ME!

I have had many miracles happen in the 28 years i have been alive.

My Step Dad, was in the hopistal with mercer. The doctors said he had a 2% chance of living, but he did! He is now  64 and living life to the fullest.

My Mom had kidney and liver failure, she wasn’t suppose to live either. But she was tough, she fought and now she is doing GREAT!

My Dad divorced his 2nd wife who had made my life living hell. She would give me a ridicules list of chores i had to do every week, or i wasn’t allowed to see my Mom. I got no allowance and she favored my brother, her biological son.

Clozapine saved my life.

Its one of the strongest anti psychotics. It really, really helped me. I have been on over 13 medications then i found clozapine. I left psych ward #3 in a great space of mind. I didnt go back to the psych ward for 6 years!

Another miracle was when i attempted to poison myself.  i failed, thank god, and now the urge is gone!

Fun Day

I had a great day at OSV With my family. It was Me, Dad, My Aunt, My cousin V, her husband, two kids and my foster brother Elijah.

we had a fun time. it was really HOT. we got to ride the horse and buggy, that was fun.
We had lunch at the OSV Tavern, i had chicken pot pie. it was good!

Tomorrow i will see everybody again. we are having a cook out at the lake. Should be fun!

Are they proud? DONT blame them if they are NOT!

Im not sure if my parents are proud of me or not. I dont blame them if they are not. I was never the daughter they deserved.

What kind of person would want a child with schizophrenia? A daughter who got locked up over and over?

I have been in therapy since i was little.

I feel badly for them.

But how can i change that? I mean, i am stuck on meds for LIFE.

Im sure one day i will be locked up again, just a feeling.

I just wish i knew if they were proud. I dont want to ask though.

I am scared to have children of my own, because i dont want them to suffer with mental illness too…

Feeling good, NO voices!

I have been at my Aunts in CT for two days now. We are having a GREAT time!! We went shopping, got clothes and toiletries, went out to dinner at the White Horse, i got chicken pot pie. We played Crazy 8’s and drank lots of water. Its awesome!

tonight for dinner, we are going to a steak house. Then tomorrow my Dad is driving up and we will have a cook out!

I feel stress free and happy. No time to hear voices!! 😀

I am just relaxing and enjoying my time!

Life with Foster Siblings

My family does Foster Care. The kids my Dad and his wife take in are really precious. I love each and every one of them. Its really hard when they stay a few months then you have to say goodbye.

I feel so bad for those kids. They deserve so much love that they just dont have. My Dad and V try to give them the love they need.

They live on a farm so the kids get to experience goats, chickens, dogs and a cat.

I like to play games with the kids and got to experience my adopted brother, B’s first Christmas! It was really special.

I love these kids and wish we could keep each and every one of them.