I had the worst step mom.

I still have nightmares about my brothers mother. She and i never got along. She would blame me for when she and my Dad fought.

She made me do a crazy amount of chores for no allowance.

She would favor my brother.

She always gave me the broken chair at meal times.

I wasnt allowed to shut my bedroom door.

I had to go to school crying most days because she emotionally abused me.

I think one reason i was admitted into my first psych ward was because of her.

She didnt get along with my Mom at all.

You would think 13 years later it would just be a bad memory. But i was literally traumatized by her and I think of her at least twice a week.


Lying to my parents.

When i was 8, my neighbor and i wanted to walk to the candy store. My step Mom said I could get 5 pieces of penny candy. I whined and begged to get more.

“Okay, 4 pieces” She said.

“Please!!” I begged.

“3 pieces..” SHe frowned. I shut up. I was mad but i always obey my parents.

My neighbor’s mom walked us there. I got my 3 pieces then saw a giant rainbow lollipop. I had to get it, so i did.

When i got home, i snuck the lollipop under my shirt and went to my room. I took off the wrapper and took a lick.

I heard my step mother coming upstairs. So i hid the pop under my bed.

A week went by and i forgot about the lollipop.

I was cleaning my room one day and found the lollipop. COVERED in ANTS!

I got scared i would get in trouble. So i opened my window and pulled up the screen. I threw the pop and ants out the window.

I felt bad. I hate lying.


My special life!~

My family has no luck. When I was 12 my step Dad had a cardiac arrest. He went into the hopistal. Several times in the next few years Bob went back into the hopistal for heart issues. Bob also has sleep apnea, COPD, osteoporosis and had mrsa.

Our luck doesnt end there.

My Mom went into the hopistal for kidney failure. She had a urinary track infection too and was on dialysis for 6 weeks. Mom also has neuropathy and cant walk well. she is in constant pain.

Then there is me. I dont have physical handicapped. i have mental issues. I went to the hopistal 13 times for reasons such as hearing voices.

But we survived. We are a strong family and made it through some tough times. Both Mom and BOb had very little chance of surviving. But they did. We are always there for each other in hard times. I wouldnt change my family for anything xooxx


My birthday, i made it another year!~

Yesterday i turned 29. My therapist and I had many sessions talking about how scared i was to turn one year older.

I feared something bad would happen on my birthday. But, it didnt! And i had a great time!

My Mom, step Dad, BIll and I had dinner from UNO’s. I had chicken Parmesan. it was YUM> then we had cake.

I got some presents too!

I got a Friendly’s gift card, a makeup gift card, Teen Mom 2 season 6 DVD, phone case, notebooks and a printer.

I am very happy and feel loved.

Tomorrow i see My dad and his family. we are going out to eat, then Foxwoods. It will be great.

I am happy i made it another year!!!

Old man down!

I love seeing Dad. Its not too often, but whenever we get together, we always have a lot of fun!

today we went out for breakfast. I had French toast and home fries with water.

when we got served, we heard a big crash.

An old man had fallen!! Dad jumped up to help him, but someone else got there first. Poor guy, at least he wasn’t hurt.

then we went to the apple orchard gift shop. we looked at antiques and little trinkets.

I love my life. i love my parents, i love my siblings and i love my friends and family.

Very first therapy session, AGE 7!!

I was so nervous on the first day of my therapy. I was 7 years old. I sat in the waiting room with my Dad reading a Highlights Magazine.

After awhile, my name was called. My therapists name was Karen, she was young, blond and nice. She made me feel comfortable.

I sat on the fluffy purple couch and Karen sat across from me, she had a notebook which made me nervous.

She asked me questions, lots of questions. Mostly about my parents divorce.

I was EXTREMELY shy back then, it was hard for me to talk to this stranger.

but i did.

Together, we made a family tree. it was hard because my Mom has 10 siblings.

after that, my session was over. Karen shook my hand and Dad’s too. It was over. I made it through my very first therapy session, go ME!

Miracles that have happened to ME!

I have had many miracles happen in the 28 years i have been alive.

My Step Dad, was in the hopistal with mercer. The doctors said he had a 2% chance of living, but he did! He is now  64 and living life to the fullest.

My Mom had kidney and liver failure, she wasn’t suppose to live either. But she was tough, she fought and now she is doing GREAT!

My Dad divorced his 2nd wife who had made my life living hell. She would give me a ridicules list of chores i had to do every week, or i wasn’t allowed to see my Mom. I got no allowance and she favored my brother, her biological son.

Clozapine saved my life.

Its one of the strongest anti psychotics. It really, really helped me. I have been on over 13 medications then i found clozapine. I left psych ward #3 in a great space of mind. I didnt go back to the psych ward for 6 years!

Another miracle was when i attempted to poison myself.  i failed, thank god, and now the urge is gone!