Age 16: WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE!

I have had many ups and downs in my lifetime. I won awards, i got suspended.

I think i have had more ups then downs though.

I had a pretty good childhood. I did hear voices, but they didnt really bother me until the age of 16.

age 16 was the lowest point i ever reached.

It seemed like everything bad, happened when i was 16.

voices, hallucinations suspensions, cutting, eating disorders, first time in a psych ward, first time on medications.

It was the worst year of my life.

All the other years, were a lot better!

Evaluated and Admitted!

I sat in an empty room with staff while i got evaluated. It was a rough day for me. I had been seeing and hearing things nobody else could.

She had me fill out papers and asked what the voices were saying.

I dont know HOW people can tell when i am hallucinating.. i thought i hid it well, guess not.

After i did the evaluation, i sat there pinching my wrists until the lady came back and said i could be admitted.

I wave of relief went through my body. I really needed this program.

A staff went through my bags looking for sharps, there were none.

i got my own room downstairs the first two nights.

Then L said she had bad news, i was getting a roommate.

my roommate, snored. LOUD. i couldn’t sleep night #3.

so i got ear plugs, let me tell you, they were my bffs!!!

OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION! ~

Being little was so much fun. I had quite the imagination that if i talked about at the age i am now, would it be considered hallucinations?

My mind has always been overactive. I had unicorn friends, friends with tree bark and dust particles.

I had a friend named Billy that would visit me at night. I had dreams of he and i running away together, into a world with no pain and violence.

I would wake up with a smile just thinking of him.

Billy went away, so did the unicorn friend, when i grew up.

My invisible friends were now living in my head. I could hear them, but i couldn’t see them. It was quite irritating.

I dont know if i like being an adult. It was so much easier being a carefree 9 year old.

I still have invisible friends but unfortunately are not as real as they used to feel..

:D !! 10 out of 10

I asked my Mom to ask ME how i would rate my mood daily like they did in the program i was in.

Yesterday and today were both 10! Thats the best it can be!

I think i am cured. Maybe in my case, schizophrenia can be cured because i sure feel like it!

I am SO happy! I am in a great mood!

Great. Now i am a Tiny bit nervous that i just cursed myself. I cant be too happy because thats when bad things happen!

Hmm.

I Still feel happy.

FINALLY MY DAYS A 10!!

Today is another good day! I feel amazing! I got my hair shampooed, cut and blow dried. Its cute.

I dont miss Riverside yet but its nice to know its there when i need it.

I am SO proud that i ended up there instead of the psych ward. At Riverside we had so much more freedom. We cooked ourselves too.

I got a lot out of the groups we had. One group was about depression. It was nice to hear that depression is so common and lots of people have it.

Schizophrenia is a little less common, but there were a few people with that too. I am glad i qualified for the program because i dont know how safe at the time i could be with out it.

No complaints. I FEEL GREAT!

I have absolutely nothing to complain about!

This past visit to Riverside helped me so much!! I feel GREAT>

NO voices

NO paranoid thoughts

NO fears of death

NO counting.

I have a permanent smile on my face. I feel SO good!

Its a new feeling for me. I have not cried in 4 days! I used to have flip flop emotions, but now i just feel, happy.

 

 

Im home! NO VOICES IN MY HEAD= pretty weird.

I just got home. I was in the program Riverside for 5 days. it was so nice. I got to relax and meet some really nice people. I slept, cooked, cleaned, watched friends and played games. i also colored.

I had a good time, except for two incidents.

One, I was seeing men with guns and ants everywhere. I saw dolphins bleeding HIV. I heard people swearing and yelling at me.

I saw bloody eye balls and finger nails being bent backwards.
Scary.

The second incident had nothing to do with the voices. I was just dizzy. I couldnt feel my hands. They felt like they were not mine and they were cut off.

Overall it was nice. I hope to go again some day, but not anytime soon.

I am on a little higher dose of Haldol which helps with my voices,

My head is SO clear! I have no busy thoughts what so ever.

Its a little weird. I am used to a head FULL Of voices. But i think i could get used to this!!!