Within 2 minutes i am in the ambulance!~

Im not sure why, when having a psychotic episode at home, the police and EMT come and take me to the ER, in like 2 minutes i am in the ambulance.

BUT, when that guy was having a psychotic episode IN the psych ward, they just stand there watching him scream, swear and threaten, for OVER 2 hours!

I know my Mom had to call 911, i wasn’t safe. I trust her judgement. IF she thought i needed to go, i believe her.



Separating the sane from the INSANE!

In the psych ward there are ALL types of people. Some are more insane then others.

I wish they would separate the patients into two different wards.

One for the people who just need med adjustments, like me…and others who may be potentially dangerous!

The past two admission to psych wards were really difficult.

in both there were scary men, YELLING< SWEARING and THREATENING.

I did not feel safe. In a psych ward, you gotta feel safe, u just gotta..

Jacks a fighter!! (the voice in my head!)

Jack has been ruining my LIFE.

Jack is the voice in my head that makes me miserable. I just cant get rid of him! Well, i cant say that, he’s not here right now..but when he is, he is MEAN.

He tells me what to do. He calls me a loser and insists i say ” I am a loser” 23 times. By 12, i start to cry.. I dont want to listen to him…i just am not strong enough. Which is weird because i have stood up to MANY voices and that makes me proud!

Its just that dang Jack!

He’s a fighter. His goal is to ruin my life….in a way he is succeeding. with out him, i would not have been in the psych ward last week!!

I was SEPARATE from the REAL world!!~

I hate the feeling of being locked in a place that is seperate from the “real” world. Every psych ward, besides the one i was just discharged from, i tried to escape.

I never succeed. And I got in lots of trouble.

But the way they handled it was even worse. Restraining is the worst! I have been restraint 3 ways in my adventures in psych wards.

One: They held me pinned to the floor till i calmed down.

Two: I was in a bed with straps around my arms and legs.

Three: Restrain chair. I was in a big chair tied to it with straps holding me down.

Being restraint to me, is EVEN scarier then hearing voices! I think.

Maybe the same.

It makes me sad looking out the windows at psych wards, seeing people who are out there that could do what they want, when and were they want.

I get angry at the voices. They are the usual reason why i am ever admitted in the first place!

I hate you Jack.

Riding my bicycle!

My step Dad is trying to reteach me to ride my bicycle. I havnt in  a LONG time. Today I did about 30 feet.

Its not much, but I am still proud of myself! I am weaker on one side and seem to tilt to the left.

I feel happy today! I dont miss being in the psych ward.

My meds seem to be working. Like NO anxiety or voices.

It was nice sleeping in my own bed again. Those hopistal beds are very uncomfortable.

So yea, doing great!

Going from the ER to the PSYCH ward!~

I had therapy today. It went well. I showed S my journal I wrote in during my visit to the psych ward.

Its kinda sad reading it. I hate hearing voices, and I was hearing them pretty bad the other day.

I wanted to cut my hands off because they were not mine. My Mom told me i thought my arms were on fire.

I cant remember everything, which is probably a good thing.

That night i just remembered, driving from one ER to another Psych ward.

I got there at 3:30 am. I had to be strip searched…my least favorite part of being in a psych ward besides being restraint.

I went to bed in a double jonny. I felt naked with no underwear on.

I remembering seeing Cereal on my wall. It distracts me and I dont think he will ever go.

Oh well, at least i am not currently hearing voices!

People say i sound uneducated.

I have been noticing my personality change a lot these days. What I mean is that my voice changes with each person I talk to..

I have an adult voice, a baby voice and a voice that speaks incorrectly.

Its really strange, because i don’t do it myself, it just happens!

Its rather irritating.

I sound so dumb when i mispronounce my words. People say I sound uneducated. I cant say they are wrong. I do sound stupid like I am uneducated.

Thats why i like to blog. I can sound smart! Thanks to spell check 😉