I remember passing out in second grade. Flat on the floor. I woke up to the teacher, nurse AND principal looking down at me. I was embarrassed.
But that was the beginning.
The beginning. Thats what i call when i started to show symptoms of mental illnesses. Anxiety came first.
My brother was born in 1996. I had bad anxiety while driving to the hopistal. What if my Dad loved him more then me?
I didnt want to meet him. I remember pinching my arm to calm down.
I first started seeing my hallucinations at the age of 9.
Billy. David Michael, Sari and Michelle #1 came into my life. I had vivid dreams that i made happen in real life. Like I dreamt I would throw up after eating an apple. So i did. because i choked on an apple one day, i was scared to eat. after every bite, i took a sip of water.
My Dad noticed something was wrong. I did not tell him i was hearing voices, because, i did not know everyone else could not. I thought it was normal.
I wrote my dad a letter saying i was scared, but not sure why.
I started at a new therapist when i was 11. I was SUPER shy, so we didnt accomplish much.
But I drew some distributing images she shared with my parents. i was embarrassed.
I got lots of blood work because something was defiantly wrong in my brain. I did not understand games we played in school. It took me awhile to learn things.
But it was a BIG surprise that when i turned 16, i got the biggest diagnosis yet! Schizophrenia.
This was all new to me. new feelings, new urges.
Pretty soon i was in my first psych ward… and 12 times after that.
BUT. These past few weeks, i have really been getting out there. coloring class, writing group, doing laps at the school and hanging iwth my friends. I feel great.