I didnt Jump..

I remember standing on the porch on the second level of the house i lived at with my Dad and Step Mom. It was 1995, a year before my brother was born. I was 7.

My Dad was at work, he has his own painting business. My Step Mom was somewhere, i dont know where.

I saw myself jumping off the porch..

I was thinking about it the other day and realized, as far back as my memory goes, that was the first time i ever showed signs that something in my brain was not 100% correct.

I stood on a green lawn chair and the rail was up to my knees. All i had to do was make one move and I would have jumped.

Nobody was there to stop me.

Something happened and i got off the chair. i didnt jump.

Someone was watching over me and keeping me safe.

I went inside to my room. I changed my outfit and got into bed crying. I wanted my Mom.

I felt so confused.

My parents fought a lot when i was little. I always felt stuck in the middle. In the back of my mind, i had a thought that if i wasnt around, there would be no fighting.

I think thats why i wanted to jump.

So it would be all over.

 

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