I remember standing on the porch on the second level of the house i lived at with my Dad and Step Mom. It was 1995, a year before my brother was born. I was 7.
My Dad was at work, he has his own painting business. My Step Mom was somewhere, i dont know where.
I saw myself jumping off the porch..
I was thinking about it the other day and realized, as far back as my memory goes, that was the first time i ever showed signs that something in my brain was not 100% correct.
I stood on a green lawn chair and the rail was up to my knees. All i had to do was make one move and I would have jumped.
Nobody was there to stop me.
Something happened and i got off the chair. i didnt jump.
Someone was watching over me and keeping me safe.
I went inside to my room. I changed my outfit and got into bed crying. I wanted my Mom.
I felt so confused.
My parents fought a lot when i was little. I always felt stuck in the middle. In the back of my mind, i had a thought that if i wasnt around, there would be no fighting.
I think thats why i wanted to jump.
So it would be all over.