Life is precious, I dont want to leave before its my time!

I ate the ice, it froze my insides. My meds are burning holes in my heart. I know i need them, but why do i have to get the meds that dont work, its a waste. I wanted to learn how to fly, when i was little i had dreams of getting wings. I would fly to heaven and check it out. Visit my family that has died. I dont ever want to die, but i know one day i have to. its the law.

I am so confused. My brain is so busy i cant tell whats real! Its starting to scare me, i have convos in my head that never happened.

I have a tack and pressed it on my thumb praying there is blood. There is, i am alive.

I lay in bed depressed and grab a pillow. flashbacks from the psych ward when i couldnt have roommates because i was scared they would suffocate me.

I put the pillow on my face and take deep breaths. soon there is no air left, i gasp for a breath. I remove the pillow and thank God i didnt do it longer.

Life is so precious and so short, i dont want to leave before its my time.

 

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