Living my life with mental illness, divorces and imaginary friends.

When i was 2 my parents got divorced. I was too little to know what happened. I turned 6 and Dad married my first step Mom. we never got along. She was mean to me and used to blame me when she and Dad fought. She said i would give him a heart attack. it was always my fault.

when i was 7, my half brother was born. I turned 8 and Mom married my step Dad. He was a good pick.

I started having anxiety around that time and started therapy. I passed out at school one day and started having blood work.

I was 10 when the voices came more frequently. I  did not know that wasn’t normal. i thought everyone heard voices, thats why i didnt tell anyone.

My imaginary friends showed up more often. I had Jessie Protan my unicorn friend. Billy my imaginary neighbor and the first Michelle and Sari. I was never alone.

I moved into a new house and a new school that i was not accepted in. i just didnt fit in. I was in that school when i was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 10th grade.

I was not happy. I was dealing with cutting and throwing up after meals. When i got suspended for the second time, my parents decided to take me out of that school.

I was 17 when i admitted to the world i have schizophrenia. I was glad i finally had a name for everything i was experiencing.

The first psych ward was Arbor Fuller. My eating disorder got worse but i stopped cutting for a few months which was good.

When i was 17, i met my Dad’s girlfriend. She is not much  older than me. We moved into an apartment.

i graduated high school at age of 18 and started in a program called Tradewinds.

It is a place for people with mental illness to socialize.

I got nothing out of it besides a boyfriend. He was a loser so i dumped him.

I Started at meals on wheels when i was 18. I packaged meals for the elderly.

it was fun and i did it for 8 years.

I was 23 when i was diagnosed with OCD. I would count everything, do stuff in patterns and it was really hard to live with.

Fortunately the meds i am on for OCD seem to help somewhat.

Now i am 28. I am still looking for a paying job. I still have anxiety, OCD and schizophrenia.

I feel so alone, i dont have many friends. I just want my life to change for the better before i give up.

I try so hard to be happy. Inside i am crying. I am good at keeping my emotions in.

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3 thoughts on “Living my life with mental illness, divorces and imaginary friends.

  1. Don’t keep your emotions in so much… let them out in a healthy way, which you are already doing by writing on this blog… connecting with others with similar symptoms may be helpful as well, but do have friends who can be supportive regardless of whether they have been diagnosed with a mental illness or not. You are not alone ..

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