I lay in bed with my tummy bleeding from the nail scissors i had used to cut my flesh. I felt so bad, i was defeated by the voices who were the ones that told me to cut in the first place.
I wish i were stronger then the voices, wish i could stand up to them and worried i cant.
i get scared they will tell me to do something drastic like kill somebody, but so far i have been lucky. The worst thing is cutting.
i stared at those cuts so long that i fell asleep. I woke up a couple hours later, it was around 3:00 am and staff were doing checks. I sat up and it HURT! The cuts on my belly rubbed against my shirt and it was so tender.
I wanted to tell staff so i could get them cleaned. But, then they would know that i had those nail scissors, my best friend and my worst enemy.
So i lay on my back and pulled my shirt up. I wish i were the type to tell somebody when i am hurting. But i have never been good at that.