Its a shame.

I am not sure why i dont like telling my family when i am hearing voices, but i dont mind blogging about it.

I guess its because i love them, and dont want them to see me differently.

The only times i really share when i am hearing voices is those nights i end up in the ER.

I just feel ashamed. I feel like a freak, i mean think about it. I am a 28 year old girl with people living in my HEAD! I count non stop and I just dont fit in.

Usually i am more positive. but i am getting SO tired of living the way i do.

I want to not hear voices, not count, not be paranoid and not be scared.

I am scared of life which is a shame.

I fear death daily, thats Always on my mind, even when i am having a good day!

 

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2 thoughts on “Its a shame.

  1. i’m like that emmiejosie. i share a house with my brother who is also schizophrenic, and i’m sure he is the same, like when i’m having trouble with voices and visions i try to stay composed so that no one notices. For me it’s that i have already tried most of the available medications and i don’t want them to change my meds and i don’t want to go to the hospital again, just as a goal. i think you have a healthy frustration with your condition. it may lead to better health, i think. I don’t know if it will be the same for you, but i got sick at 34 and i’m now 52 and my daily thoughts of death kind of were like water on a stone, they smoothed out the rough edges. i’m not thrilled about death but i’m not as upset, and my yoga and my reading helps me to be more positive about the now, which i would emphasize to you. death will come, so why worry? try to use it to make sure that you give each day your proper attention and that you step by step achieve your goals. it’s all that can be expected of you or of anyone, to just do your best. try not to worry. xxb

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