Runaway Love.

I had an urge to run away last night. Nothing was wrong to make me want to. I was just upset. The voices were loud, my mind was busy and i was counting a LOT. I guess thats why..

I even packed a bag. I started to cry while i packed. Nobody but me knew my intentions. My Mom and step Dad were downstairs sleeping peacefully. My dog Bella was at the foot of my bed. I wasn’t alone, yet i felt it.

I sat on my bed and stared at my bag. I Started to cry. Did i really want to do this? i wasnt sure.

I just felt like i have had enough of this mental illness, i was giving up.

I mean, i could have killed myself and that would have ended the pain, but it will add grief to my loved ones. I am not selfish like that.

I tossed my bag into the corner and climbed into bed. I said a prayer to God and fell asleep. I have never slept as good as i did last night. I feel like God heard me and was giving me a break. I am so glad i didnt leave!

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2 thoughts on “Runaway Love.

  1. I was packing my bag on the day I had my last hospitalisation to begin. I was hearing a voice criticising me, telling me that I would have to repack the bag, that I did it wrong, which I knew wasn’t true. My dad called 911 and I was hospitalised. I decided that it would be my last time in the hospital that I would start to cooperate fully with the treatment, even if i hated it, and i did hate it. but that was 2009 and i haven’t been in since then. I’m glad you didn’t leave ej, i have been picked up by police a million times, just wandering as far away from home as I can, trying to distract myself from voices. My dad has picked me up as much as six hours away, and one time I left the house with no shoes or anything and I walked from 4pm to 3 am. a passing police car picked me up and took me home just as i was getting ready to sleep in a ditch on the side of the road, exhausted and my feet were bleeding from the stones and so on. so don’t leave! good for you! xxb

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