I sat in the rocking chair at the psych ward. I rocked. Back and forth, back and forth. The TV was on, the news. But i wasn’t watching, i was more interested in that picture hanging on the wall. It was a painting actually, because having a glass frame in a psych ward would just not be safe.
It was a picture of a branch with berries all over. They looked delicious. So i stood up and went over to that picture.
I tried to pick the berries. No luck. I tried again. I started to cry. I was very emotional because they were adjusting my meds.
“Group time” K came to get me.
“Whats wrong?” She came over to me and touched my shoulder.
“I cant get the berries” i sobbed.
“Hunny, they arent real” K said. I looked her in the eye.
“I know that” i said. I didnt want to admitt that that picture played with my mind. I knew deep inside it wasnt real berries, but i let my imagination get the best of me.
I followed K to the doorway and turned around and spat my tongue out at that picture of the stupid berries.
I got cursed then. When i get cursed, i always have a panic attack. My heart started to race. So i went to the nurse instead of group.
She checked my heart rate. It was in the 130’s which for me is a little high.
She had me drink water. I went to the bathroom. While i peed, i got dizzy. I felt like i was going to pass out!
I hurried from the bathroom to my bed as fast as i could. I lay in bed, everything was white. I felt SO dizzy.
i passed out. I woke up who knows how long later. The world didnt know, the staff didnt know. life just went on.
I felt alone.