Today is not my day. I woke up at 4:00 am and couldn’t fall back to sleep because of those voices i have been hearing in my head. Its like the TV, radio and screaming is all going on at once. Its so loud Diary, so loud. I am scared. I need someone to help me! I am shaking! I feel like i took a drug because i just feel so out of it. I want to dip my head in sugar because then the ants will come and save me! The ants will come in a group. They will eat the sugar and into my brain. Hopefully they will fix my brain. Something is wrong with my brain diary! I cant stop thinking bad thoughts and i feel so bad! My brain aches! I need some ginger ale. I dont know why i want to cut SO bad! I have to or things will get worse. So i grabbed my trusty nail scissors and cut my belly. It helped. I just cant drive to Cape Cod to get medication from the ocean. What if someone dumped acid in the water. When i go swimming, the acid will eat away at my skin. I will be just bones which was the goal in the first place when i started to throw up after meals! I just dont know why my mind works this way! I am scared of my own mind! Can i trade with her just for a day so i can feel what its like, to be normal.