When i was at Westwood Lodge in patient, i was very small and timid. I was scared and confused. I woke up shivering every morning not knowing where i was.. The very first night, i shared a room with two other girls. Since i didnt know i was going to be admitted, i didnt have any personal belongings.

I slept in my jeans and sweatshirt.

That night, in the middle of the night, i woke up hearing voices. I got out of bed and hid under the desk.

at “checks” time, the staff saw my bed was empty. I heard them asking where i went. I didnt move, didnt breathe loud.

They finally turned on the light and saw me under the desk shaking. I was so scared.

“Poor thing” the nice staff person helped me out. We went to the den and talked. I told her i was scared. She comforted me and i went back to bed.

The next day, my roommates made rumors that the reason i was in the psych ward was because i killed someone. They were actually scared of me!

I was transferred to a single room. Which was fine with me.

I just dont understand why my whole life i had bad reputations… i am the most innocent person, ever.



3 thoughts on “I DIDNT KILL ANYBODY!!!!

  1. i think it was your memory of the rat poison and the broken tic tac box and all that. You are innocent in that, you are right, you haven’t killed anyone. But I think at some level you might find that part of your mind is still alarmed at those incidents. emmiejosie with sz i have been arrested a few times, and honestly, you are totally lucky that it didn’t happen like that for you, people saw that you needed help, not punishment. Find a place in your mind for the thought that you don’t want to do that kind of thing ever again and let it take the lead. it might change your subtle thoughts and energies. i think mental illness is very kind of like a loose live wire and it can spark and cause unusual things to happen or remarkable reactions in other people. I think that what happened with those room mates was like a “play” created by the energy of your mind, for you to wonder about. There is a series of books that I was to read in my anthropology course at university. The author is Carlos Casteneda, and the book is Don Juan. Don Juan is a mexican shaman who Carlos Casteneda visits for the purposes of study. Don Juan shows him the phenomenal world. One day, they go to Mexico city and they just sit for a few hours. Don Juan had the idea to do that, he was teaching Casteneda how to “stop time”. In the afternoon, a murder was committed right before their eyes. Casteneda was shocked of course, and Don Juan was philosophical about it. There are several books in this series by Casteneda who was a graduate student in southern california when he started writing these books about his journeys to meet and study Don Juan. Maybe you would find it interesting.

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