I would throw up and hide it in a cup under my bed.

I used to throw up after eating. It all started with a skittle. That day my friend gave me two skittles. I had done a report on eating disorders a few weeks prior. I was really interested in the topic. After she gave them to me, i went to the bathroom and peeled off the shell. i ate those skittles and felt so depressed.

That night after dinner, i went to my room. I shut the door and grabbed my cup of water beside my bed. I drank the water then threw up my meal into the cup. I felt a rush of satisfaction. I felt sneaky but happy.

I hid that cup under my bed. My Dad said goodnight later. I waited until everyone was asleep then emptied the vomit into the toilet.

It became a routine. I would throw up after every meal. I started to skip lunches in school. Then i was enrolled in Westwood Lodge Outpatient therapy. I was caught throwing up after lunch by one of the staff. I got in trouble.

Dad started to weigh me when i got home. I went from 107 to 98 lbs quickly. I liked it but nobody else did.

Soon after, i was admitted into in paitent therapy. The staff knew about my throwing up issues and was forced to sing while peeing so staff could make sure i wasnt puking. After every meal, when i had to use the bathroom, i said the ABC’s. It was super embarrassing.

When i got discharged, i stopped for awhile. I gained a little weight and i was still happy.

I still wish i were 98 lbs. I would  be a lot happier, but i would never throw up on purpose any day.  i promised myself i wouldnt and i intend on keeping it that way.


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