Swearing and degrading me!

i woke up from a good nights sleep. I went down for breakfast. Then i went back to bed because i was still a little tired.

I went to bed and thats when the voices started, they, were, LOUD. They were literally screaming at me! Swearing and degrading me. I felt so sad. I cried.

I blocked my ears even though that doesnt do anything. It lasted about 25 minutes and. they were gone.

i fell back to sleep and had a nightmare. Fortunately i cant remember what the nightmare was about.

It was voices i have never heard before. It was a couple mans voices. I think they were arguing about me. I dont know what i did, but i felt like i was somehow caught in the middle.


7 thoughts on “Swearing and degrading me!

  1. You didn’t do anything wrong … they are not real people speaking to you. Listen to soft music . It may help . Just wondering, what do you identify with? Who would you say you are?

  2. I have had this experience before, it was the last two times i was hospitalised, within a month of each other. I decided to be very brave and confront the voices as if I was the cause of their existence, because they were so surprisingly cruel and i couldn’t understand how they came to exist otherwise. I defended myself and I did it by realising I am just human and that i didn’t ask for this mind and that i was doing my best to achieve in life and to be a good person generally. I think this is the best defense for this level of harrassment. You have talked a little here about your incident with the rat poison and the shards of tic tac box in the hair and a problem with seeming to enjoy hurting other people. I would really grip those experiences and try to get them off the “windshield” once and for all. I read what I consider a very controversial article by a doctor i think he was in tennessee, and he said the thing with schizophrenics is, they are guilty! so by saying this, he is another accuser, like the voices are, and in every accusation there is a defense and an alternative reality that is waiting. you have to find your position on why those incidents happen and then promptly put the entire memory in a “box” not to be opened again. Then you can choose the you you would like to be and you can highlight the you you already are. Your illness made you do those things i would say and you have to lock that up and look at life with a new beginning. I don’t think a therapist can do this for you. It is voting in your mind for yourself as if you have no other choice, and you don’t. decide to like yourself and to improve your view of yourself by setting aside the contents of these episodes as non needed evidence. put it in the past.

    • thank you very much for the comment, i appretiate u taking your time to write to me, you make me feel important. So basically what you are saying, is keep the past in the past? Do u think its a bad idea to keep writing about my experiences? It helps but you are right about what u wrote and i have to work on that oxxooxox ❤

      • I think it is fine to refer to your past if it is appropriate to your thought process and I really believe that you are making real progress. I love that you are writing about making dinner and things like that. It so huge these little posts like that. I’m so happy for you that you can write about things that make you happy and are new experiences, in addition to the other ones, detailing the past. Hopefully, as you keep going, you will feel so well situated in the present that you won’t have to recall freezing nights on the ward or cutting incidents or whatever. I think you are just doing really really well and I am so excited for you! well done. xx

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