I was tempted to jump out the window!

I was a little girl with many imaginary friends. I was very creative and so it was no surprise to Mom when i was telling her about my friend Jessie Protan. She thought it was cute, a little girl with her imaginary friends.

but as years went by, the friends were not invisible, they lived in my head. I was hearing voices at a very young age. I didnt know that was not how everyone else’s brain worked too. I thought it was normal to have several people living in my head.

I never knew i dont have to obey them. And i still struggle with that.

I had a friend named Billy who was someone only i could see. He was more then an imaginary friend. to me, he was REAL.

SO real.

Sometimes its hard for me to tell whats real and whats not. I have had that problem for years.

When i was around age 8, i was tempted to jump out the window. I didnt want to do it to hurt myself. I just wanted to see if God wanted me to live or die that day. If i jumped and didnt die, i was worth living. IF i died, it was my time.

But in the way back of my head, i knew i should  not do that. SO i didnt.

Its really hard for me to ignore what the voices are telling me. They are a part of me and what can i do? nothing.


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