Usually after my Dad left when visiting hours are over, i would get really sad.

I would walk him to the door and someone would buzz him out. After he left, i went to my room to cry. One night i was so sad, i had some unusual behavior i didnt realize at the time. I climbed onto the toilet and stood on the back bowl. I could touch the ceiling. I yelled something like: “I am going to jump!” I wanted to be caught. I waited, no response. i started to cry and sob, just hoping someone would catch me.

Its not that i wanted the attention, its i wanted HELP. I just had no clue how to ask!

Nobody came. So i marched to the dining room, opened the drawer and grabbed a plastic knife. I marched to my room, climbed under my blankets and sliced up my belly. I felt so bad after that, not good as i had hoped.

I threw the knife on my roommate’s bed and went to see if i could talk to someone, anyone!

But everyone was busy, which made it worse. I sat on the couch and cried silently.

I went to bed that night. I never had anyone to talk to. I wasnt just sad, i was MAD. what if i had sliced my wrists deep and bleed to death!!!



  1. notice that people are busy and then start to make plans for yourself. look at the stupid knife and throw it away. So many mi feel that they are separate from others instead of seeing that they belong. when the staff doesn’t do what you want or expect, release them. release yourself. xxb

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