Usually after my Dad left when visiting hours are over, i would get really sad.
I would walk him to the door and someone would buzz him out. After he left, i went to my room to cry. One night i was so sad, i had some unusual behavior i didnt realize at the time. I climbed onto the toilet and stood on the back bowl. I could touch the ceiling. I yelled something like: “I am going to jump!” I wanted to be caught. I waited, no response. i started to cry and sob, just hoping someone would catch me.
Its not that i wanted the attention, its i wanted HELP. I just had no clue how to ask!
Nobody came. So i marched to the dining room, opened the drawer and grabbed a plastic knife. I marched to my room, climbed under my blankets and sliced up my belly. I felt so bad after that, not good as i had hoped.
I threw the knife on my roommate’s bed and went to see if i could talk to someone, anyone!
But everyone was busy, which made it worse. I sat on the couch and cried silently.
I went to bed that night. I never had anyone to talk to. I wasnt just sad, i was MAD. what if i had sliced my wrists deep and bleed to death!!!