My head enjoys when i am scared

i feel super sad today. I miss something but not sure what. I slept in the living room last night because i didnt want to be alone.

I looked in the mirror too close again. I went so close my nose touched the glass. I HATE doing that because it freaks me out and i stay freaked out for hours. I am not sure why, but my head enjoys when i am scared.

When i see my eyes up that close, my brain starts to play tricks on me. I see my past life through my eyes.

super freaky.

No urges to cut today, which is good.

I just hope the pandas in the zoo get enough to eat.



One thought on “My head enjoys when i am scared

  1. think of activities for yourself and do them. you can start with getting the glass cleaner for the mirror. do it as soon as you come to your senses, then think of something pleasant to do, something to sit down and drink, or some stretches, i recommend yoga, it’s up to you. think of something to do every 15 minutes, even if it’s just to make a list or a note, or to read your lists and notes. every fifteen minutes, all day. after breakfast give yourself two hours to do something interesting at a leisurely pace. then have a coffee, then start another project. i’m studying french for free online, and it is really fun to do. Duolingo is the program. think of things like speaking french with a french friend or maybe one day seeing paris, idk think think think, your own ideas and you can look around to see what other people are doing too. i like to go to barnes and noble and get a coffee and look at self help and surf magazines. you seem to like shopping for makeup and things like that. do that, play with your make up, wash it off and try another color. take a break. maybe consider your hair, brush it idk. put it up in a style you haven’t tried. go out with your mom or dad afterwards, or take your little brother somewhere or play a game with him. then lunch time and after that more time for that kind of activity, or writing. personally, as you like to write, i think you should schedule it for the same time each day, and then you can also write at other times. but the schedule is interesting because you have to kind of do something interesting or relaxing until it’s time to write. then dinner and then meds and then bed. look forward to your breakfast because losing weight is interesting, you can enjoy your food and look for recipes or whatever, count the calories and fat grams and look at the carb content. think of flavors you really like, find your interests, start with ones you know. notice other people and what they like to do. think about if they are doing something you would like to try. set the goal of making a journal you are not afraid for others to read. make a great journal. if you have some rogue entries or complaints to note down, remind yourself of what you would rather write about and set a time to do it. xxb

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