I am scared by my own thoughts!

Whats the worst thing that could happen to me?

Well. I could over dose on my medications. I could take the steering wheel from whomever is driving and crash. I could kill someone and end up in jail, forever. I could kidnap someone, i could set the house on fire, i could poison my family, i could stand in the middle of the road and get squished, i could get burnt by the acid in my shower, i could choke myself, i could get my head blown up by my hair drier. The pharmacy could give me the wrong medication,  i could end up back in the psych ward, i could scratch out my eyes, i could poison myself, i could cut so deep i bleed to death, i could burn my esophagus with a simple aspirin, i could do so much.

I am scared. Scared that i will act upon one of these thoughts that are in my head 24/7.

I hate having these thoughts. But what can i do to stop them?

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10 thoughts on “I am scared by my own thoughts!

  1. You are not your thoughts … you are you, so whenever you have those kinds of thoughts , acknowledge them , and THEN replace them with a different thought . YOU are in control , NOT the thoughts. it may seem you are not in control and that’s okay… that’s when you reach out to others like you are doing now and be reminded of your abilities and potentials. Identify yourself with who you really are, NOT with your symptoms.

  2. try to find out how other people feel during your day. do this empathy exercise every day all day. and make lists and do them, check things off the list regularly. take notes of ideas and things you would like to pursue. you have described your room and how much you love it. start thinking of expanding your comfort zone to the whole house and to the offices and stores and really speak to the people you meet. thank people whenever possible. in your day you know you have breakfast lunch and dinner and meds and bed. so start making the time leading to each of those events really interesting and fun and exciting. i think as a writer, you might like the lists. start with that. when you have nothing to do look at your lists and your calendar book. think of ideas and do them. if you want a cup of coffee every day at ten do that. and even note it in your to do lists. any activity is noteworthy. you will build up a kind of record of your time and it will be infused with memory of feeling accomplished and it will encourage you in your future efforts, you will want to do more. concentrate on positive activity. have a bubble bath every night before bed and do it at the same time every night, and if the voices are active just rest anyway, and wait for daylight to come in. you can take a nap in the afternoon, and you can even have your breakfast at 2 am if you want. if you do it that way, get your list and your journal for after you finish eating and work on it until you get tired or day breaks. make plans for every day and see them through. make them fun plans, realise that you have no other imperitive in life but to have a nice day, and you have a nice day by being really wonderful to yourself and to others every day. xxb

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