craving bruises

I used to punch my arms. I was craving bruises. I wanted them so bad. It was my way asking for help. I was never good at asking for help. Which is why i ended up in psych wards so often. I could have spoken up earlier and prevented myself from getting admitted.



2 thoughts on “craving bruises

  1. aside from your blog and your journal, maybe in the inside cover of your journal, a place that is important and easy to find, make a list of your family and friends and their names and addresses and so on. contact them now and then and just tell them what you are doing with your life, you can tell them ideas, plans, goals. in talking to them you are also talking to yourself, you will hear all of your ideas or see them as you talk or type out emails or write letters, which is what i do… and i paint the letters. i never worry about hearing back from people, ok maybe a little, it’s nice to get a response sometimes, but the point is to reaffirm your intentions to people and to yourself every day. choose people who know and love you. they will be interested in your efforts to rebuild a life for yourself, but really it is an exercise for you to lay these ideas out for yourself, but to share with others. Set that as a goal and imagine a really great future, break it down into steps and note them in your calendar book and journal and here. schedule time for doing things toward these goals every day and share the ideas and ask people how to achieve things if you don’t know. some goals can seem out of reach until you talk them out. Your dad and your therapist might be great at helping you make a life plan. my goals are getting in good physical and mental shape (losing weight too… 🙂 ) and trying to take pictures every day and keeping my blog up to date. also i would like to be in good enough shape to surf next summer. it’s even ok if there are no waves lol, i just want to know that i can get to standing on the board, you have to do that kind of quickly and i’m just working on balance and strength, with yoga, weights and a little running. just a little. hopefully it will go well, i started exercising in october, and i think it is helping me maintain mental clarity, so i have made it a priority. xxb

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