I lay in bed at night, minding my own business. My mind wanders. I think of death. I think of hurting people which for some really weird reason makes me happy.
I am a terrible person, the voices are right. I am a loser.
I am told that over and over i just start to believe it.
I have urges to do bad things such as shooting people.
I dont have a gun fortunately, but why do i have to have these thoughts.
I just cant get a break! I am only one person that can only handle so much.
Right now i am crying. I feel so terrible. I dont feel suicidal. Thats good. But I do feel like cutting. I cant.
I think i may need a medication adjustment, but i dont want to, because every time i get a med change, i end up back in the psych ward. I dont ever want to go back there. Ever.