Grow up

I feel a little odd today. Kinda nervous for no reason. I saw Cereal on my wall when i woke up in the middle of the night. i read him front to back 12 times. Then i had to get out of bed, go to my make up vanity and take off my pink lipstick cover and snap it on and off 23 times.

It makes NO sense to me, at all. Why the voices tell me to do such stupid things. I mean, having schizophrenia, i was prepared to hear voices. But i didnt know they could be so mean, or just totally pointless.

When you really think about it, it is so bizarre. A normal 28 year old girl, that hears and sees things others cant. i dont want to be different. It upsets me.

I have a big fear of death these days. I lay in bed for hours, just thinking about how much longer i have here on earth.

I wish i could be happy and unafraid of life. I think i am missing out a little, beacuse i dont have much fun. I am too scared to do things like go to clubs or even to friends houses, i just want to be with my family.

I am very immature which is not good. I need to learn to GROW UP.



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