I was watching videos on YouTube about anorexia. Its something I have been interested in since I had it myself. I find it fascinating.
I was around the age of 16, same year I got diagnosed with schizophrenia, when I realized, i had no control. No control in anything i do.
I took meds i didn’t want, went to psych wards i never wanted to be at. I was in no control.
Not eating, gave me that control back. i choose not to eat. I didn’t want to lose weight, i just wanted to gain control.
So I stopped eating and threw up after meals. It was not healthy.
I had nightmares often of cutting the fat off my belly and bleeding to death. For some reason, that made me happy.
I also started to cut around the same time.
Age 16 was just not the greatest year at all! I went through way too much changes in such a short length of time.