racing thoughts sigh

Tomorrow I have therapy and I am looking forward to it. Its the one time that i can say whatever is on my mind with out being judged or being felt sorry for.

I plan on talking to MA about how i still worry my thoughts will come true. Once i have a bad thought, like yesterday, i had the words “Cardiac Arrest” in my head.

All i could think about, is which of my loved ones will have a cardiac arrest. I was literally scared to think. I think of as many positive things as possible in 30 seconds. I tried to distract myself. No luck.

All last night i had fears and bad thoughts. I slept terribly. It sucks.

I also plan on talking to MA about me having to do 100 things at once and force myself to have fun.

Here are my thoughts this very second:

I need to drink water, i have to write, i must check my email, i need to make my apt, i have to clean my bathroom, i am tired, i need to walk, i wonder what 342 times 698 is, i may never know….

I hate when my mind races!!!!!!!!!!! AGUGGGGGGGGGG

 

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4 thoughts on “racing thoughts sigh

  1. Hi emmiejosie! hope therapy went well today for you. I am familiar with racing thoughts and for me it’s math problems and also word puzzles – my mind splits words and mixes the syllables around so that the words change and have completely different meanings… this happens sometimes, not as often as it used to. Just a thought about managing the pressure when your mind is racing or when you have persistent bad thoughts like cardiac arrest, over the past 18 years since my diagnosis i have worked really hard on trying to realise my mind is just another organ and that it is sometimes caught up like that, in a tangle. it helps me to not take worrying thoughts quite so literally or so seriously, leaves room for reason. i’ve been working hard on training my mind like that – doesn’t always work, but I can see a definite improvement since the beginning. keep working on it and keep writing, i think it is good. also i was thinking about your to-do list of things, for me it has been helpful to narrow everything down to a schedule. as long as i eat on time sleep on time and take my meds on time, everything else I can do is optional and for pleasure and is easier to manage. i just am either on the computer, reading or painting or writing my blog, which i do twice a week. the schedule has been really key though, doing just the most basic things and at the same time every day, to concentrate on that. You mentioned drinking water – for me I get a large diet soda three times a day – more if i want, but three times at least, at the same time of day each time. it helps me decide what I can afford to ignore when my mind is racing. i can just sit down and let it race, because i have a schedule for what really has to be done. idk. i found it useful. x

  2. also i keep a calculator for the math problems on my desk – that way i don’t have to interrupt what i’m doing on the computer… i think it was 2 dollars or something like that. i recommend it:)xx

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