Worst parts of having Schizophrenia

Worst parts of having schizophrenia:

Hearing the mean voices, the voices that put me down and criticize me. The voices that scream at me for being such a bitch. I try so hard to be good, so they wont have anything to hold against me. But as much as I try, no luck.

I hate thinking I have paper cuts when I don’t. I hate feeling these hands are not mine.

I hate being paranoid that there is someone on the other side of the door when I open it. A bad guy with a gun.

I hate having to wake up at 3:00 am to listen to the neutral voices tell me things like: “dig your nails into your arm until it red then rinse it with mouthwash.”

I hate any mean voices. I hate thinking of death 24/7

I hate feeling like I have to save the world. I hate that I am so selfish, I waste food and use the AC while kids in Africa don’t even have shoes. Or fresh water. When the voices tell me I am selfish, I start to cut. I don’t want to, its an urge I just cant stop sometimes.

I hate side effects from my anti psychotic meds. Drooling, weight gain, insomnia….

Some days I want to throw down the towel, but all the good days I have, and there are quite a few, make it worth it.

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3 thoughts on “Worst parts of having Schizophrenia

  1. Tracy says:

    Keep the faith. Thats how you will survive any thing in life. Love Faith Happiness and True Friendships. XXOO

  2. Emmiejosie. I totally believe in selfishness. I encourage you to put yourself (sane-ness) first. There is nothing wrong with being selfish. This doesn’t mean you are not nice, it just means you love yourself. Generosity is always there for you. You give to your community. I’m so moved by your efforts. Even volunteering at Meals on Wheels is good because you get something out of it. It’s rewarding. This to me is the benefit of selfishness. Embrace it. If you are not well, then you can’t contribute like you would like to, if I understand you correctly. I like that you have such good friends and family. You deserve it. Keep going. xxb

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