I was always a typical child. Invisible friends, tea parties, sleepovers, makeovers, giving worms baths….
When did things change? It was almost as if things changed overnight. One day I woke up feeling a little off. I went to school with a baggy of rat poison with intentions to kill a girl. My mind was so confused. I got to school and that girl didn’t fall for it. She told on me instead. I got suspended.
When I got back to school a week later, I did something else I am not proud of. I broke up at tic tac container and sprinkled the sharp pieces in my math teachers hair, hoping she would touch it and it would make her hand bleed.
My thoughts were all confused of what’s right and whats wrong.
I no longer enjoyed sleepovers and makeovers, it was all about staying safe, happy and alive.
When I was admitted into my first psych ward, it changed my life. I was no longer typical. I was a mental patient.
It made me so angry that I started to cut to feel better. I just wanted to be normal. But I wasn’t. I was dealing with so much, and plus I was on anti psychotic meds. Something the average 16 year old doesn’t have to deal with.
I wasn’t happy. And things got worse. I stared to cut more and also started to make myself throw up after meals. Things were CHAOTIC!
Now I am 27 and things are much better. My mind is not as confused, I don’t throw up after meals and I am trying hard not to cut.
I have so much support from so many people. I feel happy and loved.
Sometimes I wish my child hood was more typical, but there is a reason I was chosen to have a mental illness. And I decided its my job to share with others, my experience with hope to help somebody xooxox