These hands are not my own

I am crying as I write this. I feel bad. I don’t deserve my friends and family, They are too good to me. I am stupid and selfish and I hate myself.

I don’t feel suicidal. I did have the urge to cut today, but I didn’t. I am still stronger then that.

My Dad suggested I write my feelings down to feel better. Blogging always helps. So here is what I am thinking.

These hands are not my own. I look at them, but cant feel them. I feel like I am wearing a movie star’s hands which are too good for me.

I am very tired, it has been a long day.

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4 thoughts on “These hands are not my own

  1. Hi Emmiejosie. I am new to reading your blog. I have schizophrenia and have been diagnosed for 17 years. I think you should call your therapist and talk to them about your recent feelings, and tell your doctor about your mood swings. I agree with your dad that writing your feelings down can help too, and keep up with the blog! i noticed you missed yesterday. I write in a journal, i have a blog and i paint and photograph. these things all help me. I think it’s good that you are able to notice when your behavior is odd and that you are aware of your feelings and able to express them. I also think it is marvelous that you volunteer and have friends and family to see. With time and experience, schizophrenia gets easier (i’m 51). I just want to encourage you, because you have a lot going for you and you try so very hard, which is fantastic. Keep up the good work. And please make those calls. blainexx

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