I wonder how my life would be…

Everything happens for a reason, or so I heard.

I wonder how different my life would be if it went in a different direction. If my sister didn’t die, if my Mom and Dad didn’t get divorced, if I didn’t get anxiety in 3rd grade, if I never went to a Christian school, if I never started to hear voices, if I never saw Peter, if I was never put on meds, if I never admitted I Was hearing voices, if I never went to a psych ward, if I never started to throw up my meals, if I never cut myself, if I never went to a therapeutic school, if I never started therapy and if I never had paranoid thoughts.

I don’t regret my life, I just regret some of the things I have gone through.

I want to be happy so bad. I try EVERY day to be positive and upbeat. Then I am alone and the thoughts start, the voices come, Cereal appears.

I don’t know how much longer I can pretend to be happy. I am afraid one day I will just snap.

Its not like I am sad 27/7, no. I get sad just like everyone else does. But sometimes for me its to the extreme, so much that I feel like I have to cut to feel better.

I have NOT cutted in over a month which is GREAT. But I still have those urges.

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