I attempted to poison myself

A memory of mine being locked up: I was depressed and didn’t know how to ask for help:

I went to bed crying that night. It had been a horrible day. I had attempted to poison myself and I failed.

It just gave me a tummy ache, the lotion I tried to eat. I was so depressed having been locked up for a week and really getting nowhere. Each day was different. I was sad, then happy, then depressed, then hyper..my emotions were all over the place.

I just wanted to go home. I also just wanted help. I had urges to cut every day and didn’t know how to tell people. So I cut my belly with a plastic knife in front of the cameras so the staff would see and come save me.

No luck. Now I had a bleeding belly, depressed heart and a brain full of voices.

I went to my room and that’s when I tried to eat a bottle of coconut hand lotion. I lay in bed waiting to die, but I didn’t. I just woke up and had to use the bathroom. I went several times that night and woke up with a headache.

Nobody had a clue what I went through that night and that made me MAD!

I wanted help soo bad, I just couldn’t ask for it.

The staff went on with their own business. Checks every 15 minutes. Why didn’t they watch me more carefully. to this days I still have 2 scars on my belly from cutting with that knife and whenever I smell coconut scented items, I get sick to my stomach.

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