I have been doing REALLY well since discharged from the psych ward. But there are still a few challenges I am facing.
Mostly its the fact that I feel if I think something bad in my head, it will come true. So I have a bad thought and I get so worried that thought will come true, so I feel I must be punished. Usually for a punishment I pinch myself or punch my stomach.
Especially at night, I am alone, its dark and my mind starts to wander. I think about death or someone getting shot. Then I have to distract myself so I will stop thinking and I don’t want it to happen.
Hard to explain.
I am also dealing with feeling I have to do 100 things at once. I have to force myself to do things. I am writing my Blog and I feel “I have to drink water, I have to clean the bathroom, I must take a bath, I have to write the word Candle, I have to walk, I have to call dad, I wish I were in California, I want a pet monkey.”
My mind is constantly running a hundred miles an hour. And I hate it. I would love to go one night when I just take my night time pills, lay down to sleep, fall asleep and sleep till morning
I haven’t been able to do that in YEARS.