I have been having WAY more good days then bad. I seem to be waking up in a good mood every day for days and days!
I feel confident and happy. Healthy and blessed.
But then I hear those voices. Those mean ones that I wish didn’t exist. Well, they weren’t mean to me today, they were just disturbing.
I was watching Makeup Hauls on YOUTUBE. Then I heard my name being whispered in my ear. I called my Mom to see what she wanted.
“I didn’t call you” She said.
Then I realized I was hearing things. Nothing bad. Just my name. Over and Over.
Imagine you are busy doing whatever, and all the sudden you hear your name so softly it almost doesn’t exist. But it was definitely there. I put my hands over my ears but it wouldn’t stop. So I said I prayer.
I prayed to God that the voices would stop. They didn’t.
Then the voices said that I am worthless. I sat there in bed, listening to them ridicule me.
I hate it. It makes me hate myself. Maybe they are right, maybe I am worthless. 😦 Why do I have to be the one who has to deal with them?
I feel like crying. Some days are SO good, I think I am cured from schizophrenia. Then times like now, I just don’t know.