I LOVE MAKE UP!!!

I LOVE MAKE UP!

My favorite brands are Cover Girl, Maybelline, ELF, NYX, NYC, Milani, Hard Candy and more.

I love to experiment with eyeshadow colors. I like silvers and browns best.
For lip gloss, i love pinks and nudes. Red is too bright for my skin color.

I LOVE high lighters, it makes my skin glow!

I also love bronzers for a light tan.

I DONT like blush. It makes me look like a clown and i dont know how to use it properly.

I have a LOT of makeup. Like 10 blushes, l2 bronzers, over 60 eyeshadow, 11 lipsticks, 7 bronzers, TONS of lipgloss and more.

I cant get enough makeup!!

 

Dont be late or i will think the worst.

today i am feeling amazing! I slept through the night with good dreams for once. I woke up, had a smoothie, took my pills, brushed my teeth and sat down to watch YouTube. I fell asleep.

I woke up in an ever better mood!! Id rate today 11. 10 being the highest.

Today i am going to lunch with Bill. Then i get my make up.

Mom made me a deal. if i go to Meals on Wheels for 6 hours a week, i get a $5 makeup from Dollar General!

Sweet deal.

and i am proud of myself for working. even though i cant last more then 3 hours at a time. My attention span is too short and i get anxiety if my ride is 3 minutes late.

Today two dump guys came to take my desk away. now i have space in my office.

Reason for admission: hearing voices…..

Arbor Fuller: psych ward

Patient: Emily J****

Age:16

Diagnosis: schizophrenia

Reason for admission: hearing voices, being irrational, hallucinations, eating disorder, self harm

Emily came into the ward at 6:03 pm. She came in looking pale and frightened. She was started on Clozapine recently. She was hallucinating during the first time meeting. Didn’t do well with the strip search, we had to cut strings off her sweatshirt to keep her safe. Took the staples out of her magazines because she had a history of cutting. Shy but sweet, she shouldn’t be here for more than a week.

Imagination VS Hallucinations!!!

I had a great imagination as a child. I had so many invisible friends. I pretended my bike was a pet horse. I would ride it around WalMart’s parking lot imagining myself in fields on a horse. I had no cares in the world.

Years passed. I got older but my imaginary friends were still there.

My imagination got stronger. I could vividly see my imaginary friends. They were no longer invisible, at the time, they felt real, they WERE real!

they started visiting me at night while trying to sleep. One being Billy.

I would talk to them. I had NO clue these people i were talking to, were just hallucinations

And i didnt know for years!

It wasnt until i was 16, I went to my 100th therapist. (exaggerating) I happened to mention these people i were seeing, and strange things i was hearing. She got concerned.

Not long after that, i went to my FIRST psychiatrist.

It turns out my friends Billy, Michelle and Peter, were not real. They were hallucinations.

I cried hard that night, i was so confused.

Why was i hearing these people, so clearly, but were not real.

It made no sense. I started to feel alone. ONe reason i started to cut. I felt i couldnt express my pain any other way.

Today is 2017, I am 28 and have been hearing voices for over 20 years.

Its part of who i am. I am a schizophrenic, but thats not all i am. I am a writer, a friend, a daughter, a cousin, a pianist, i love to do make up… there is so much more to me!

i have learned to accept i was blessed with mental illness. because, us who have mental illness, are special. oooxooxoo ❤

 

Feeling AMAZING

I had an AMAZING day!!

I went outside for a bit, but it was hot, so i went back in. i did some writing, some reading, some chores.

I did a makeover and took selfies for FB.

I heard ZERO bad voices! I only counted twice.

For desert i had ice cream.

Tonight i will watch Americas Funniest Home VIdeos then bed.

Tuesday, my boo will be spending the night, she and i have lots of fun together oooxxxx

I am NOT smart. :(

I am not smart. Dont try to tell me i am, because i am not. I didnt retain any knowledge i learned in all 12 years of schooling. Its been TOO long since i used my brain for academic facts or what not.

I tried to take an IQ test and was stumped on the first question.

I get overwhelmed easily. I give up easily. I get upset and frustrated easily.

I wish i went to collage but its been too long since HS.

I literally am at a addition of fractions level of schooling. Even that i am lost.

i need help, i need to learn, i am tired of being stupid.

Very first therapy session, AGE 7!!

I was so nervous on the first day of my therapy. I was 7 years old. I sat in the waiting room with my Dad reading a Highlights Magazine.

After awhile, my name was called. My therapists name was Karen, she was young, blond and nice. She made me feel comfortable.

I sat on the fluffy purple couch and Karen sat across from me, she had a notebook which made me nervous.

She asked me questions, lots of questions. Mostly about my parents divorce.

I was EXTREMELY shy back then, it was hard for me to talk to this stranger.

but i did.

Together, we made a family tree. it was hard because my Mom has 10 siblings.

after that, my session was over. Karen shook my hand and Dad’s too. It was over. I made it through my very first therapy session, go ME!